Recognizing Sin

This is probably more of a confessional than anything else today. In a way, it's more like a public journal, but I hope that my thoughts will still offer encouragement and provoke thought.

As a recovering pharisee, I had one of those "the guy I used to be moments" yesterday. A good friend and mentor of mine were planning a social event as a way to reward some hard working people. When I looked at the guest list, I noticed a few people that weren't part of the group in the way I had expected.

Admittedly, I immediately started rationalizing in my mind why they shouldn't be there. Part of it was a feeling that I wanted the event to be exclusive. Part of it was feelings I had left with from a former church, thought I had dealt with, but had really only put a band-aid over. So where did my thoughts go? Back to a self-righteous, high and mighty mindset.

Through the work of the Spirit, I was convicted that my reaction was sinful and I was ashamed. I told my friend my honest thoughts (he's also my primary means of counsel, so I wanted to be transparent) along with the disclaimer that I needed some time to pray and meditate to get down to what was at the root.

This was actually kind of exciting to me. Though I was ashamed, it also marks a moment where I was able to able to immediately recognize the sin and the lie for what is was - before it had a chance to really take hold.

The whole thing had thrown me off, so I needed to take the time right then to start working through it. My mind wandered to the last couple of sermons, in particular the last one from Luke 16:1 - 15 about the Dishonest Manager. I thought about the idea that we'd been hitting on considering generosity and how we should be using our resources for the glory of the Kingdom rather than our own comfort.

As I recalled that passage, the Spirit led me to look deeper at my own thoughts and feelings. I knew it wasn't right and I knew I didn't like, but I was still having trouble understanding. After chewing on it a little while, He led me to it - selfishness.

See, I am where I am today thanks to the grace and mercy of God and the generosity of others. Yet I had made this simple social gathering about me and my comfort when it was supposed to be a thank you to others. The additional names took me away from where I was comfortable and in control.

The fact is we're constantly looking for ways to be generous towards our friends. Finding the smallest connection as an excuse to include others is part of the fun of generosity. So we're going to have a good time and we're going to give away a lot of great stuff. My hope is that as we use the "unrighteous wealth" of this world to bless others, that it is God who will be glorified and not us.

All of the good things we have came from Him and we're only stewards. As He continues to refine me and convict me of my sin, it is my desire to start living more like a steward and less like a master. It doesn't come easy though. In a world that would draw us in the opposite direction, it's only by faith in Christ's work and through belief in the absolute truth of Scripture that we'll have the confidence to stand up to the lies and deception - and recognize them for what they are.